My Lost Self

Wandering, hiding, scared. Can't scream.

Lost inside of my own scary dreams.

Where am I going, I'm lost in my mind.

I'm suck in this maze that nobody can find.

I see phantoms of my child self,

Walking through these walls.

The traces of happy times,

Now I can barely recall.

I hid from the outside

To not fall apart.

But little did I know

This was just the start.

This nightmare I've been trapped in

Trying to crawl out.

But nobody can hear me

No matter how loud I shout.

Lonely crowd

In a room full of people Do they really see me Am I hiding? Am I trying? I need to feel connected But the world feels like they've neglected I'm holding on oh so dear To a life form that is not here Try to bury my sadness under Hide my cries in the rain and thunder I'm dying of this loneliness Not so sure how to win this So many faces surround me All of which who know me But deep inside I'm screaming I'm so lonely I'm so lonely I know they don't understand How one can be in a crowd And still feel like The only one around

Moving

Hi everyone.  Sorry I have been on the DL (down low) the last few days.  I have been busy with moving. I will be back as soon as this move is completely.  I have so much planned!  I can't hardly wait. I'll write again soon.

Survey

Hey lovely people, I have a little survey I put together for you.

It's all about you! Survey

Where does this road take me

I am still wide awake after a 12 hour day at work, pondering what should I do with my life?

Today I am sitting patiently by my computer, debating if I am making the right choices in life, to stay on the safe side...

I am wondering if my life has become stale because I left my risky side behind, or if my life was already stale but I wanted to try some risky business to keep my self sane...

What does it mean to take a risk?

Does it mean that it is all or nothing?

So many questions are currently going through my mind...

I am at a divide in the road, like Robert Frost has once written about.

Should I take the path less traveled?

Am I currently following someone else's footsteps because I am afraid of the consequences the other road may bring?

All of the questions...

One path must be decided upon.

Where will this road lead me?

Is this road taking me home?

Starting New

Hi everyone, it's been a long time since the last time I posted a blog. I hope everyone is having a wonderful week. I am posting to let everyone know that I am going to be starting another page where I will write review posts. I hope you have a great day.

Broken road lead me home...

When my world comes crashing down on my head what should I do.? When my feelings won't stop breaking where should I hide them? When my heart hurts like hell and my mind can't make it stop should I sweep it under a rug and live on? It's just another sting just another bolder one of many in life... How do you deal with it will change the world around you. I know I chose to be here but sometimes I feel like i'm getting pushed around following the tidal waves and following my aching heart. My path to the future seems so dreery and the roads that i'm on seems so long. A break seems too far out of the question so I drag on and on. At this divide in the road I come to stare blankly as I usually do nothing seems so certain and my heart still.... Aches for you... Even at this distance... even as we stand I feel like there is a wall between us and I can't climb over nor brake it down. Why do you keep protecting yourself why do you push me away but surely you know what you do to me I think to my self.... But maybe you really don't know how much you pain me in this way. Word can not describe this weary fear I have inside but you don't seem to notice so i'll hide... So i'll hide. It's not really a secret when it's probably just me just falling into my self and drowning in my dreams. Ambitions and goals I set are running far from me and the wishes and the hopes for it are wounding deep with in. Nothing I can do isn't an answer... That I know but right now I really wanted to just feel something... Before it's gone. Slowly as a wildfire being dowsed away by man. My burning heart beats softer and it hurts as it goes out. Making it work will take effort but patience is fading quick. I need to be an adult about it but my selfish child in me returns. I try to listen harder to see if your heart beats for me. But everything is in your terms and following is all I can give. Your decisions are set to your needs and I understand from those shoes but in mine are little thorns still piercing through my soul. First is first I need to remedy this pain staked heart of mine. But what the fuck is the answer... What the hell will cure my doubts..... I don't know how it got planted there.... Ok maybe I do... But only extremely drastic measures will undo what has been done... But is that healthy.... Probably not. So now I stand at this divide wondering what is right and what is wrong should I leave my hopes behind because I am scared. Or should I take a step forward knowing that the possibily of needing to turn back and start again might be the future I am facing in the end? Unpredictable this life is... But regret? Not knowing what could have been or just walk forth this path that might turn into dust? Who knows... What will I do next.