Defining Affinity

Well it's simple. I want to be with you. I want to hold your hand. I want to sleep next to you and be there when I can. I want your sorrows to go away. Because I don't wanna see you cry. Your thoughts make me smile, I miss you when you don't call me. I wait for you day and night to see how your day has been. I hope that you will miss me like I miss you..... But patience is a virtue and is important to this relationship. So I wait.... I'll wait until you know what you need want from me. I'll try to find my happiness for now. But please love don't keep me waiting too long...... it hurts to hold back and it hurts to want you so bad.

Avoidable....

I feel like I'm getting avoided..... well..... I guess it's time to move on now. Before I get my heart crushed. Goodbye amazing love.... it's too late to save us? Maybe I knew it from the start shoulda never put my heart in at full throttle.... I thought you loved me more then that? or is it that your hurting and you can't focus on anything else? Rawrg..... I want it back the way it used to be. I was so happy.

Learning to Love

So since the few weeks... (cough cough) I haven't posted on blogger I have been up to much activities such as moving and getting my self situated. Well I also learned quite a few things about my self that I wasn't ready to face till now. So in the past few months I had fallen out of love with the last relationship and that was due to poor judgment and much built up disappointment towards this guy. But I feel like some of the disappointment stems from the fact that I am actually quite disappointed in myself. I now feel like it's time to really learn to love the person I am for who I am. How will I do this. Well first off I think it's time to again try to get some medical help to help with my very random mood swings and I need to learn to stand on my own two feet. I thought for a while that leaning on someone would really help me learn to be a whole person. But working at half capacity doesn't ever seem to work.
Where I'm going to go look for my self that I do not know. But I know one thing that I need to start learning to be able to function more independently and more efficiently when doing so.
I know that this is going to be a time consuming journey but at the end of this trip I think everything will find it's place.
Another thing that has really motivated me to do so. Is because I fell for this person really hard. But I seem to have this negative swing when I start dating someone.... and this is all stemmed from self esteem issues. And in order for me to love with all 100% I feel as though I need to learn to love my self 100% then I won't be beating my self to the ground for every person or thing that I am around.
Well Blogger I am getting tired and need to get some rest but till next time.

P.S. Maybe that's what it means to love someone. It makes me want to be a better person. It makes me want to make my self be happy. So I can again be happy with them. They make my heartbeat faster.